Florida – Come on Vacation – Leave on Probation
Florida, a great place to come visit. With all the attractions here, it’s all about having fun, not to mention we see the sun every day.
However, there is one thing you all need to be warned about. The long arm of the law does not play around down here. Listen to me cause I know from experience.
Yes, I was the village idiot one night in March of 2006, and believe me I’m not bragging about it. Yes I was drunk, and shouldn’t have been driving. I truly figured that out after only driving for a associate miles, I was just pulling into a parking lot where I was going to sleep it off, but, here came Barney.
Now there wasn’t a soul on the road cept for him and me, and I told good ole Barney, that I had been drinkin, and realized after just a few short miles that I should not be drivin. Well, I’m sure you’ve all heard the expression “you have the right to keep silent”. This would have been a very good time for me to utilize that right, cause ole Barney had that camera goin in his car.
All I was asking was for him to let me sleep it off in my car in this parking lot, I said that I would close my eyes and he could throw my keys anywhere, and I would crawl into the back seat and sleep it off.
“Oh No” he says, I might get out of my car and wander into traffic and get run over. “I need to take you to the jail where you’ll be safe” not to mention the 2 to 3000 dollars your going to rape me for, for fines, fees, court costs and of course probation.
I do want to say that I have come to the conclusion that this was a blessing in desguise, I drink probably one tenth of what I used to, and I won’t already have one beer if I know that I am driving. I will walk from here to Alaska just to never have to be put in jail again. You only have to hit me on the head with a rock once.
If you come here from another state, and get arrested consider yourself lucky. Because you don’t want to be on probation here. Its like they want you to fail, they want to keep you in the system for long as they can. I swear the police down here think they are Gods, if your not in law enforcement they are sitting there thinking to themselves,”I know this guy is a criminal, how can I prove it”.
While I was in jail, there was a guy in there for stealing a disposable Bic lighter. He picked it up off a table and lit his cigarette with it and mistakenly put it in his pocket. He had been in jail for more than a week when I got there, cause he didn’t have the money for bail.
There was also a stuntman from California, who was in for violation of probation because he refused to give his probation officer his fake guns that he used in the movies. So his probation officer lured him back to Florida to sign a paper and arrested him, 90 days.
So folks, this is it if you come down here to the sunshine state do yourselves a favor. Save the drinking for when you get back home. Because tourism is down right now and they have to make up for that lost revenue somehow. Don’t start any fights and try to be on your best behavior.
Because Barney’s watching you and he’s trying to figure out how he can prove that you are criminal.
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